Let Go / by India Choquette

We can talk about training in terms of overcoming obstacles or challenges. Hard work pays off, and there’s this gung-ho feeling that no obstacle is insurmountable given enough time and work. Your fitness goals may seem impossible today, but if you are consistent and smart, you can get there. It’s tangible and simple and gives me some peace. Change is possible if you put effort into it.

I’m hardworking, organized, and stubborn. That’s the secret to any of my successes. If I don’t like something, I change it. If I want something, I work for it. But these past couple months, I’ve realized that that work and perseverance is not always the answer. When the situation is dependent on another person, especially if it requires the other person to change, then it’s time to let go. I like to win and succeed, but you truly cannot make anyone do anything. I’ve found myself going down incredibly painful and time sucking paths in attempts to get someone to change their mind or do something different. I wish I could rewind to a year ago and tell myself not to waste my time. And I wish I could win back the time I’ve wasted wishing people were different than they are. It’s outside my control. And I don’t like that. I like believing that I have control. And in many things, I do.

But each person is their own universe. We are all complex and infinite, and even though we may share corners of that universe—experiences, opinions, feelings—that’s just a tiny, tiny portion of who we are. You can’t assume that anyone is experiencing life in the same way that you are. They aren’t.

Rather than slam myself repeatedly into the wall in the hopes of breaking through to someone, I am choosing to put that energy into the parts of life I can control. Don’t let determination steal your time. You cannot win relationships.